Return to the Mother

Do you love me the way I love you?
Can you feel even a tiny grain of all the love that I have for you?
I am ever with each one of you, wherever you happen to be.

— Anandamayi Ma

My friend is on his way to India. I’ve asked him to speak my name aloud at any holy shrine that he deems appropriate, asking for blessings in my life and spiritual work. He replies that he will remember me at one of the sacred ashrams of Anandamayi Ma, and I am touched, thrilled by his thoughtfulness and with my recollections of her.

Ma, as she is affectionately called, is a particular friend of mine. I “met” Ma when I was much younger and hungry for a face of the Divine that looked like mine. One glance at a photo of this beauty and I knew that I had found such a one. Her eyes and smile betrayed the truth (to me) that she was in Love with the same Love that I had longed for from childhood.

In fact, she remains not only a friend to me, but throughout her long life and for decades since (she died in 1982) Ma Anandamayi has been adopted as Mother by countless thousands. And as she promised repeatedly, she is still ever ready to come to the aid of all who call upon her. 

Of course, one must have at least a grain of faith, a tiny bit of space in the heart to accept such claims, as I do. But, is her promise any more unfathomable to the rational mind than the spectacular photos from the James Webb Telescope revealing the apparent “mountains” in a young star-forming region of the Carina Nebula as being seven light-years high? 

One can become intoxicated by gazing at such photos, sitting in silence with them, letting the imagination and the heart stretch to the growing edges of the galaxy, merging into it. So too I can become intoxicated with Her face. I can fall into Her. I can sense this Divine Mother’s love across space and time. I can let Her soak into me. And the longer I contemplate this beauty, this awesomeness, the more I recognize that She is not outside somewhere, not at some far distant star cluster. She awakens Herself within my own heart. She is my heart. 

“Where do I have a dwelling place except in the hearts of you all?”

—Anandamayi Ma

This is what it means to have the darshan of a saint . . . or a galaxy. A wordless communication of non-separation. A wordless communication of Love.

When I remember Her, resting if only for a moment in the arms of this Mother, I find confirmation of the truth of Her everywhere. I sense that although Anandamayi Ma is embodied, She is not a person. Rather, She is a Force, a vast Energy Field, a Galaxy, a Universe. Earthbound as I am, She has shown Herself to me in many guises, under different names: Virgin de Guadalupe, Kuan Yin, Tara, Deena⎯all with the same open arms, reaching out, holding me, revealing themselves in and as myself. 

In the presence of spiritual healer and teacher Deena Rees, a twentieth century She, I questioned why she seemed like my dearest friend even though I sat with her for less than an hour. She was something so familiar, someone I had known all my life. And at last, it occurred to me that I was looking in the mirror—She was reflecting my own face. Another “God” who looked like me.

This Mother Force might sound too sweet, too good, for some, although I might wish Her thus. In truth, a good mother sees it all. She sees the poor choices based in survival needs, the selfishness, the pettiness, the pain. And the great thing is that she embraces her child regardless, and often more generously because of their failings. She is a sun, shining on all. She is ever ready to welcome me home. 

Seeing what and how She sees, soaking in the compassion with which She sees, I am invited to see “myself” with this same view. Imagine, be amazed, by the words of another Mother, Jellalaludi Ma, who repeatedly reminded her children (and she considered all the world as her children), “You can never fall from my lap.” 

My good friend the poet Red Hawk has written a book titled Return to the Mother. In ninety-four sonnets he uses the sayings of Lao Tsu from the Tao Te Ching as a jumping off point to reveal the feminine nature of all the workings of creation. At the same time, within me these poems ignite both a remembrance and a longing for a return to the embrace of the Mother Spirit, the primal feminine shared by all genders and throughout all ages. He writes:

…the Mother of creation:

rest in Her and you rest in peace,

for Her love will never fail;

stray and you remain the hunted.

But how to return? How to find her in the midst of the

chaos?  Oh Ma? Where are you? 

Says Red Hawk:

To be here-now, in this body,

is to return to Our Mother,

relaxed, soft, open, receptive:

kind.

Kindness is the nature of Our Mother,

Non-Judgmental Love is Her Being, and

we are Her children, made in Her image.

And Anandamayi Ma affirms:

If with deep faith, devotion and love you can exclaim: “Mother, come, come to me, I cannot pass my days without you,” rest assured, the Universal Mother will spread out Her arms and clasp you to Her heart. Don’t look up to Her only as a mysterious refuge in your hour of distress. Keep in mind, She is always very, very near as the Force that guides your life. She Herself is the supreme refuge of every sentient being. With this conviction proceed. 

Jai Ma. Victory to Her.

Regina Sara Ryan is an author and a retreat leader. Her book, The Woman Awake, Feminine Wisdom for Spiritual Life, reveals numerous faces of the Divine Mother Spirit, both living and ancient, in both women and men. 

by Regina Sara Ryan