HeartbreakBefore I realize that the source of my suffering is heartbreak, I usually experience a range of emotions that lead me down the path to the heart. They often start out with the denser feelings of anger, frustration and finally sadness. I am working on the transformation of my anger into compassion, my frustration into a force of nature and my sadness into a wellspring of moisture and nurturance. What they all point to is something much more refined, more nuanced, more subtle. With so much heartbreak happening in the world and in my close circle of friends and sangha, it takes a conscious effort to feel into the deep and tangible ache and allow the pain to be present. It is only after feeling and inquiring deeply that I can tap into the treasures that may be revealed. What can this pain teach me? If I allow myself to feel into it, the teachings can be profound.
I love waking up and hearing the birds sing and the chipmunks chirping, all the while feeling the cool morning air brushing across my cheek, as I lie in bed gazing out the open window of our bedroom. I breathe deeply and my heart fills with the joy of life; birds flying, ground critters scampering and deer cautiously walking outside, various sounds beginning to fill the quiet stillness, and the soft colors of the morning slowly brightening the sky.
I wake up early and give our cat a love-squeeze, while my husband sleeps soundly beside me. He is a late riser, so I move around slowly and quietly. I feed the cat and make coffee. These fresh mornings, where the transition from dark to light illuminate our home, the outdoors, and my heart, are a precious time to greet and embrace the newness that is arising.
I sit quietly. There is an inner world that is vast and expansive, full of love, forgiveness, and compassion. I tap in, drinking from this pool of strength and wonder. The interconnectedness of all life hums with a gentle vibration. I am not separate from anything or anyone. All anger dissipates, any sadness settles, and frustrations fall away. All thoughts quiet down. The breath is full and calms the whole being. I rest in this seat of gentleness. And after a prolonged pause and reflection, I face the day. These days have been overflowing with disturbing news, aggressive politics, distraught people, friends with addictions, shame, and self-hatred issues, loved ones with broken hearts, and my own ability and inability to be with it all gracefully. I fail often. And sometimes I manage the miraculous balancing act of becoming grounded and present in my own body and psyche. Only then can I extend feelings of understanding and compassion to others who are suffering. I continue to be emotionally triggered by people’s actions, words, and deeds. I feel the air tighten with tension and the constricted feeling in my mind and heart. Sometimes it is best to be silent in those situations and just listen and allow. I usually utter some words, which may or may not help the situation. It is a work in progress. My good friend is learning to be an animal communicator. From what I have read and understood, it requires a deep level of relaxation. With a calm, focused mind you sit quietly and tune into the animal. You stay open to sending and receiving thought forms in the form of visuals, pictures, and feelings. I have also read that many Aboriginal people, especially those still living in remote jungles, having little or no contact with the outside world, still communicate using thought forms rather than words. With our minds and hearts open, this form of communication is part of our natural psychic ability. It does not require any extraordinary gifts, simply to be open, relaxed and patient. That is how you train to speak and receive information from the animal kingdom, of which we are but one aspect. It then makes perfect sense that we can be sending prayers, blessings, and love to all those who are suffering, near or far, known, or unknown. My spiritual teacher offered his students the practice of what he called the “Heart Breath,” which is one way that I tap into this blessing force. We also have a lineage of teachers, masters, and great beings who offer help from the spirit realm. There is help and assistance available in so many ways and forms, both in the physical world and in the mystical world. The important thing is that help is available. We are not alone in our heartbreak. When our heartbreak is shared with others and acknowledged, when we are united, and when we allow the force of love to be all-pervading, then healing can begin. My small part in this regenerative cycle of love and healing is to pay attention, be present, tune in, acknowledge my own heartbreak, breathe, and expand. I may never know what or who I am affecting but, like any gift that is given freely and in the mood of generosity, the receiving is not my concern, only the giving.
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